Twilight Schmilight
Twilight
While reading Twilight for the first time about two years ago, the thought crossed my mind that this book would be better as a movie. The writing, I thought, was terrible. The character development, shabby. The relationship between the two main characters, shallow and downright creepy. But the concept wasn’t that bad. Get some good actors and a real plot, and you’ve got yourself a blockbuster.
When I sat through all two hours of the Twilight movie, I was painfully aware of how well it followed the book. I expected there to be at least some more character development - or at least better portrayal of the characters - but I was disappointed.
First of all, a note to the makeup people: That shade of lipstick on Edward was no bueno. I know you were trying to make him look more pale by making his lips darker, but the obviousness of the lipstick + the poor eyeliner job = a very feminine Robert Pattinson.
The acting was bad. There’s no other way to say it. I don’t know if it was the actors or the director, but Edward constantly looked angry/constipated, Bella always looked dumbfounded/lost, and everyone else was too peppy to be real [but Eric was hot!]. The scene choices, while at first glance appear to be nice and dramatic, just added to the bad acting. The scene in the forest? “You’re impossibly fast”? “Say it. Out loud?” Ring any bells? I was snorting with laughter at this point.
The choice in music was side-splitting. It sounded like it was straight out of a Spanish soap opera - not to insult Spanish soap operas. Any time a moment was a potentially good piece of film, it was like a cue for the dramatized electric guitar to take any thoughts of tortured lovers and replace them with thoughts of David Bowie, and how incredible he looked in labyrinth. (I kid you not. More than once, when the guitar struck up its sappy music, images of David Bowie in tights were drawn to my mind.)
The adaptation from book to screenplay was actually spot-on, which was the disappointing part. It magnified how stalker-esque Edward, and how ridiculous their relationship, is. Honestly? After speaking to each other about the mysteries of the Cullens for a combined total of a few hours, she’s irrevocably in love with him, and he brings her home to meet the fam? And watches her sleep? This scares me.
The only characters I even remotely liked were Alice and Carlisle. I would have loved Alice, but everything she said hinted at her ability to see the future. “We’re going to be great friends.” “It’s okay, Jasper, you won’t hurt her.” Even her saying “I’ll see you soon”, seemed to be flaunting her special talent. As for Carlisle, the only reason I liked him is because I couldn’t stop looking at him.
Do I regret seeing it? Not at all. I haven’t laughed that hard since Tom Cruise won an Oscar. Would I see it again? Not unless forced.
